Reply to D0P3F1end6969

I was checkin' out this new technology called IRC. It stands for Internet Related Chat. I dont know why they call it that though, nothing on there is about the internet. You wouldn't believe what these kid's chat about!!!

So I started my own channel: RealHeros
In the channel a few people dropped by... one asked me a question:

"D0P3F1end6969: Yo! Hero! you say you ate you're own shit to survive in Morocco. BS!"

Well D0P3F1end6969, trust me it was no picnic. I was on a special mission from the US government... at the time Omar Khadaffi was a problem in Morrocco and they called the special forces (me) to go in and take him out.

We landed in a US base in Morocco, in a city called Hummus. Hummus Morocco is a dust bowl of a place. If you've ever seen pictures of Mars, from the Mars land rover (which I performed quality control, btw.) it looks like that. Red rocks and dirt all over the place. The air is brown from the dust flying in the wind. You'll hear the chants in the air... It's straight out of some movie.

We were dropped off in the LBZ, 10 clicks from the Harvard Gate. That's what we called it. It's the main gate to Morocco's Palace. We marched in the tremendous heat, across the desert and hit Harvard gate hard.

We hit during their prayer time. This gave us an advantage to insert our special opps troops into the palace. Once inside we found Omar. He was hiding behind the thrown. It was huge. A gold throne the size of a giant. Omar himself was probably only 4' 3" tall.

I towered over him with my M60 touching his temple... then on the sqwak box (that's what we call CB's) I got the new order, "Do not terminate Omar. Directive from Basecamp repeats, 'Do Not Terminate Omar.'"

So we left. The jog back was hard. It was mid day when we started the jog back to the chopper. Some of us ran out of food. I gave all of my food to one of the soldiers who got his hand blown off. Our medic, "Merk" had sawn off the guy's arm in order to stop the bleeding.

At one point we had to make camp. We kept getting blocked to our goal of Hummus. Omar's men were everywhere. After day 3, we began to be really hungry. I learned a trick in my martial arts training in Cancun, MX. It's called Brown-Black belt. It involves eating your own shit to survive. Most people think that shit is bad for you. But really it's healthy, as long as you have healthy shit. Shit contains all the necessary ingredients to survive: water, vitamins and protein. What's great about eating your own shit, is that you can keep eating it and survive indefinately behind enemy lines.

My company refused to eat their shit. They refused to even eat my own shit. Fuck em. They died. I survived. I lived in the Morocco heat, eating my own shit. I even gained some weight!! Shit is fattening. So you gotta be careful about that shit.

Brown-Black Belt was taught to me by my master in Morocco'n Kung Fu... which I learned in Cancun. My instructor is Master Quan. He taught me up to black belt... then one night he said, "Jimmy... if you want to learn the most elite martial art skill... I will teach you... no one else in N. America knows about this."

I asked how much it would cost... and he said... "Someday I will ask for a favor... on that day, you must obey without question." I agreed.

Master Quan showed me to dojo. But this time there was a white mat in the center. I took my fighting position, but he squatted and shit right there. His belt was smeared with brown gunk. He said, "eat and be strong!"

From there I learned the system of brown-black belt. Not only can you survive on your own, you can gain the strength of 20 men! There is more to the secret martial art, but I can't explain it here... you don't just "eat it." You need to prepare your body for the change in diet. Once you do that... you're all set to become a brown-black belt.

Back to my story... after five days in the Morocco sun, I made it back *alone* to Hummus - Got back in our chopper in Hummus and took off for the UK.

That's a real hero, but I ain't tooting my own horn.

Sure I'm a hero. But I don't brag.

So next time D0P3F1end6969 you feel like mouth'n off... maybe you best come to my pad, and we can work it out mano y mano. Or in this case mano y nino.